A Man Necessity Vs Luxury?

By | June 21, 2012 | Love & Relationship, Venus Navigating Mars | 14 Comments
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Necessity vs. Luxury

The stupidity that both men and women do to hurt each other, cancel each other out, so neither gender has that top spot.  Both genders are equally losing in this battle of the sexes instead of them winning, progressing and bettering each other.  Women want a husband, but don’t want to put in the effort that goes with becoming AND being a wife, while the men want all the benefits of having a wife but do not want to commit, and that, I understand, and this is why: biologically, men are made to reproduce and that’s it. As women, it is in our nature to want to nurture, and we are so fixated on thinking that we NEED to nurture a relationship with a man. Honestly, society implemented these expectations of men to stay and be fathers and husbands, but in reality, they really do not need to.

The loyalty, love and companionship of a good man are a luxury, but not a necessity. Now, the loyalty, love and companionship from a woman are a necessity for a man, not a luxury. Funny how that works, isn’t it?  A lot of single mothers have made it without a man in their lives, and did a great job in raising their child, and that’s because their natural need to nurture has been met by the child they brought into the world.  Not by having a relationship with a man. A relationship with a man is not set in stone, but having a child is.  Women need to realize that we do not NEED men, they are not a necessity, yet here we are, fighting with each other, degrading ourselves, and betraying friendships over them. How sad.

Last thing a man wants is to not feel needed, so they do whatever is necessary to make sure they play some role in a woman’s life, it’s in their nature to NEED to be needed, but it is also in their nature to stray. Yes, a man can offer protection, but they aren’t the only ones that can offer it, only thing they offer is sperm to reproduce. That is it.  Do not get me wrong though, having a man to cater to is a WONDERFUL feeling, and it’s fulfilling. What is not wonderful is when you realize he did not deserve how good you treated him. But as women, we let our emotions cloud our judgment and could not help but to not know that he did not deserve every little to big thing we did for them. You do not realize he was not worth your efforts until it goes bad, because that’s really when you realize your value as a woman.

Why does this happen?  Because just how society makes everyone believe that men NEED to be fathers and husbands, it also has made women think they NEED men. Therefore we go out of our way to make them happy, when in reality, you don’t.  You need to learn yourself first, find out the type of woman you are, and then accept it. Embrace your flaws and focus on the positive things about yourself. Find out your worth, and then let a man find you.  I’m still learning myself as well, and I wouldn’t have known that’s what I had to do until my close girlfriends stepped in and had a talk with me.  Sometimes, that’s all you need is the support of your close girlfriends, but we’re so busy fighting and betraying each other over these men , a lot of us don’t realize that. I guess my point is, to need, love, and embrace YOURSELF, and love yourself enough to not get caught up with the wrong man because you’re afraid of being or ending up alone.

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  • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandcoBlog.com/ GirlsBestFriendandCo

    This post was sent to me by GBF&Co staff writer, Venus. A sinlgle young adult. When I first read this post, I struggled with posting. I thought it was important to post her thoughts to address these feeling. I am sure there are many women who struggle daily with conflicting emotions.

    This post is clearly written by a young lady who has recently gone through a break up. What concerns me the most is her view on relationships and men. Men are men… LOL yes they are wired differently. We can experience some struggles communicating.

    The theme is if we need a man? **Sigh** I have to be honest I NEED a man. I believe it is a physiological need.

    What is most alarming to me is the statement about the loyalty, love, and companionship of a man to be a luxury. Wow!! It’s hard for me to digest that idea. I think Venus’ issues stem from the type of men she is choosing to become romantically involved with.

    I love men, I personally think that they are simple when compared to the complexity of a women. The type of man you attracted depends on how you carry yourself. If you are putting out sex, I am sexy.. Look at me Look at me!! Those are the type of men you will attract. If you are respectful and carrying yourself as a lady, you will attract gentlemen.

    As I write, my plumber is here doing some work. He is the father of six children and the head of his household. Just by engaging with him it is clear he’s a great guy and a wonderful husband. He is one of the many examples of a good man. So yes ladies Good Men Do Exist!

    If you find yourself continuously involved with the wrong kind of man, I urge you to take a look at yourself and what you are putting out.

    In conclusion of Venus post it appears that she has learned some valuable lessons from those past relationships. Work on yourself, it is ok to rely on love and support from a girlfriend. We need to be a source of support to other women oppose to an adversary.

    • Venus

      When i said we dont need men,I meant, ANY man. A lot of women are so fixated on not wanting to be lonely that they settle for someone who isnt looking out for their best interest.That happened to me. Note that I did say once you work on yourself, and realize your worth, a good man will find you and recognize the good woman that you are. Instead of settling with the wrong type of man… that’s the point I was making, along with some others.

      • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandcoBlog.com/ GirlsBestFriendandCo

        I agree with you, but I think it has to do with the individual. I just visited my girlfriend’s blog http://callhercourtnee.blogspot.com her post was about becoming an adult. It was titled “I am a big girl now”. She detailed a day in the life. Her focus was her job, her blog and being social. She was questioning if she was living her best life. She made mentioned to love but it was NOT her focus. When women focus on having a relationship, being in love there are men who prey on their vulnerability. Courtnee talked about working, going out for drinks, her entire consciousness is not a man and horrible friends. I believe in “the law of attraction” you receive what you put out. I confessed in my first comment, that I “NEED” a man, which secretly I do, but my husband knows that NOT at the expense of my dignity or self respect. I have standards and needs from my men as well as my friends.

        • HauteFrugalista

          Venus I get you! Im married and love my husband but I choose to be with him out of love nor really out of need. He complements my life in many ways but he does not uniquely make my life better. Men are components of a womans life as we are to theirs (lie, they do need us!). As a woman you have to empower yourself and know that there are 7 billion people in our planet, one of them must be a good fit for you, the rest are just the ‘meantime’ that help you learn and become stonger.
          Love is a luxury and a necessity. We need to feel love but actually finding that and having that is a luxury. At the same time sometimes stopping feeling like we need another person is when we really get to love ourselves and love others.

  • Ruthceesay

    it is very important to not rush into a relationship i love this post long but a lot of good info.

    • Venus

      Thank you!

  • Mars_Celestrial

    Necessity, by definition is the condition or quality of being necessary. Men and Woman are both an necessity to one another, ” Can’t live with them, Can’t live without them”.To generalize and to say Men do not want to commit, and we are only here to reproduce is such an ignorant statement. To say that is to deny the fact that Mars has emotions.Mars cry’s just the same as Venus does, Mars has fears just the same as Venus does, Mars embarks on life looking for a mate just the same as Venus does. Men, know the joys that a woman can bring, we understand that the type of Woman we keep is a reflection of us. Some boy’s choose to date women with low self-esteem who allow them to walk all over them and dictate their every move.This in a sense gives these boys the ideal of them being Men.In reality those types of boys are suffering from the same character flaw that their choice in women are suffering from.Thats the difference between a man and a boy. A real man chooses a woman who is his equal because he understand they both need each other, she strengthens his weaknesses and he strengthens hers. It is all about the energy you put out there. When you have a true positive self worth you will begin to attract the type of companion you desire. This is because when you reach this level of self worth you will no longer put yourself in or accept the type of situation where this negative energy and ideal that having a man with traits that should be viewed as the norm opposed to being viewed as a luxury.People only treat you we bad as you allow them to.

    • Venus

      having A man (emphasis on how general “A man” is) is not a necessity, having a good one, that loves you and deserves you, is.

  • Kaye A.

    I think that we should stand as a great individual first before surrendering for a relationship with a man..

    Kaye Awatin
    Blog: http://thestyleflux.blogspot.com
    Twitter: @thestyleflux

    • Venus

      I totally agree.

  • Yamari

    I have always been a firm believer that before you can love a person you need to know how to love yourself first.

    I usually don’t conform to societal expectations. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I’ve felt the need for companionship.

    As long as you don’t lose yourself in a relationship and always do things for yourself, I believe you should be fine.

    • Venus

      I feel that when you love yourself, it is easier to know what you deserve, and when you know that, you dont allow yourself to be with someone who is not worthy of the awesome person that you are.

  • http://www.queeninheels.com/ Sharon

    I am a single mother of two who is independently surviving, but I need a man. I need a man because I crave companionship and want someone to help me . . . I would love for someone to help me pay the bills and buy my shoes.
    But at the same time I don’t need a man, I want one. I have learned that it is great to be an independent woman, but once in a relationship we should allow a man to feel needed. The key is to know who you are, love yourself, have your dreams and goals, be going after them, and a man worthy of your needs will come.
    As far as children go . . . ideally having both parents involved in their lives is really best. The parents don’t need to be together, I have no desire to be back with my ex. My children need their father to teach them things I can not from a man’s perspective.

    • Venus

      I just want women to stop selling themselves short and settling for the minimum just because they want a man’s companionship. You settle for less because of impatience, I’ve personally gone through that and I hate seeing somebody else doing the same mistake I did.