Open Relationship

Open Relationships

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An open relationship is usually defined as being in a partnership with someone, while still being able to do as you please with other people, literally “exploring your options”.  A person has different outlets, while still holding on to a primary source, so with that being said, do you think it’s healthier to have an open relationship versus a monogamous one?  Is having your cake AND eating it too worth not having someone completely devoted to you? It’s funny because a lot of women do find themselves in an open relationship with a man and they don’t even realize it.

This type of arrangement comes with pros as well as cons; some people who have commitment issues might prefer it this way, no strings attached and always having a safety net to fall back on if an “outlet” flakes on you.  Some people cannot handle this kind of relationship, well…the majority of people, why? Because it is human nature to be possessive and not want to share what you think you “have”, despite contrary beliefs. It is especially hard for women to do this without becoming attached and jealous, because once you know what your partner brings to the table (whether it is sex, money, intellect, opportunities, etc.) why would you want to share? And to top things off, a double standard will come into play as well, if he does it, it is fine, but if you as a woman allow yourself to open your mind, body or soul to multiple men, you get a negative title. Also, women have it in them to want to nurture, so when looking for a partner, devotion is usually automatic, you can’t develop something without being completely dedicated to it. Men on the other hand may be a little more into the whole idea of being in an open relationship with a woman, but as long as it is a one way open relationship, in other words, HE can do as he pleases while SHE is loyal and okay with whatever it is he does. And in some cases, some women may be fine with this, they make up reasons trying to validate why it has to be this way, and the excuse usually used for this is “he’s just getting it all out of his system”.

Honestly, if you’re going to be in an open relationship, it has to work both ways and honesty and understanding should always be key components in this agreement. But even after a while, feelings do start to develop, so this type of “semi-commitment” can only be short term, regardless of how willing both parties were at the beginning of this.  Within our culture monogamy really is the key goal with almost everybody, young and old, and the consequences of having an open relationship may lessen your chance of a good, healthy relationship with someone because you decided that it was more important to “explore your options”. Also, I understand it is easier to find more excitement outside of the person you are most involved with, because commitment does take work, but at the end of the day, what are you left with besides momentary bliss?  Threatening your primary source of emotional attachment just for your temporary escapades with others doesn’t really sound worth it to me, but then again, it is different strokes for different folks, literally.

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  • http://thestyleconfessions.com/ Heather fonseca

    I’m a monogamous kind of girl, all the way! I can’t imagine sharing my husband with another woman, and I really doubt he’d be happy sharing me. In fact, I wouldn’t be happy sharing me either.

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandcoBlog.com GBFANDCO

      LOL…

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandCoBlog.com Venus

      I feel like this “open relationship” tends to happen more frequently while dating, versus actually being engaged to, or already married, either way, I disagree with them as well.

    • Venus

      I feel like this “open relationship” tends to happen more frequently while dating, versus actually being engaged to, or already married, either way, I disagree with them as well.

  • http://www.queeninheels.com/ Sharon

    I can honestly, say I am not a person who could agree to an open relationship. It is only me or nothing else. Actually, the moment he would even suggest something to me I would know it is time to move on.
    But if it works for some people more power to them.

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandCoBlog.com Venus

      As far as an open relationship goes, never purposely tried to be in one. I like being committed and with a title, less room for confusion, and no room for any body else to slip on in when your significant but not fully committed other is not doing what they’re supposed to. But then again, what is a person “supposed” to do when they are in an open relationship? It is so vague that it’s so confusing. Never again will I do this.

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandCoBlog.com Venus

      “Different strokes for different folks, literally.” Some people think it’s okay because thats not what they are looking for, but it’s only a matter of time before one person catches feelings, and ends up trapped in this arrangement. Only way that can be avoided is to stop it before you take this type of relationship serious, when it was started of false pretenses.

    • Venus

      “Different strokes for different folks, literally.” Some people think it’s okay because thats not what they are looking for, but it’s only a matter of time before one person catches feelings, and ends up trapped in this arrangement. Only way that can be avoided is to stop it before you take this type of relationship serious, when it was started of false pretenses.

  • Cheinat01

    I’ll be all the way honest because I feel anyone can come on here and show the “good” opinions and perfect responses bt I rather admit the “ugly”. I am one that has experienced this “open relationship” subject. My situation wasn’t just on a “casual” sexual agreement but it involved love, loyalty, confusion, spiteful actions mixed with way more emotions I ever thought i’d deal with. There were times where we were monogamous but there were times we agreed on this due to long distance developing when we both moved to different states. I agree that the man will be very double standard when it comes to what he does to what he expects out of you. And I assure you that sometimes my heart just did not want to face the fact I needed to let go…so I dealt with more than I could bare “keeping hope alive” knowing damn well it crushed me to have to share what in my eyes was “mine”. Being the “main” dame doesn’t always mean shit when you aren’t the ONLY. So it took finding my true self worth and seeing myself at my worst to walk away. I will never speak or judge a woman if she ever went through this type of relationship. Lessons are here to be learned. I just hope sharing my experience opens the eyes of one that may think the grass is greener when you “have your cake & eat it too” my opinion..its not..it wasn’t for me..bt to each is own. Just know fully what yu get yourself into. You control the outcome because you weren’t blind to the agreement.
    ~Tene’

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandcoBlog.com GBFANDCO

      Wow that was so incredibly brave of you. Thank you so much for sharing your honest story. I am older and more experienced. I know it hurts, the pain of love is crushing. Trust me I know, I love hard. When I am in love I give all of me. So I know what it means to be heart broken. I do have a consolation. The consolation is eventually the pain will subside. I know it feels like the pain will be never ending. But as time passes you heart heals. Then as your heart heals the rationale and common sense kicks in. You look back at yourself, and think ‘WHAT WAS I THINKING?”. Baby girl, men will only do what you allow them to do. I promise! You have to keep the expectation on a high NOTE from the GETTY UP. This is a fashion blog but more so it’s a girls blog. We are emotional creatures. I am probably even more emotional than most. I worry about what I see happening to women. We lead with our emotions and that is by design. Our role is to nurture, so we frequently make decision based on feeling not based on what is rational or smart. Take that experience as a learning experiences. As time passes you will better understand what I mean. When you become involved again make your expectation clear and never wavier from them.

      • Cheinat01

        I completely agree. It took a lot out of me to leave the post but I have always been the type of woman to admit my faults and downfalls and not just the good. That isn’t an honest life making everything look glorious for the public. Instead I try and face the downfalls head on. How else will you be able to learn from it to make sure it never happens if we are in denial once it happens….I will say I know I will be ok in the long run…I just wish my heart would heal quicker. It takes me years to fall in love so once I do I can at times be blinder than a bat. I think we all have been there in our own ways admittingly or not. I just want other woman to understand you feel soooo much better and your value as a woman goes up once you put your foot down and go for what YOU truely want…not just agreeing because that what HE wanted…

        • Avaklein

          thanks for sharing your story. i am seeing this guy, and i think he’s seeing like a lot of other girls. i really really like him but after we have sex i sometimes feel dirty because i dont think i am the only one. Your story made me decide to stop seeing him. When he calls me for a booty call i am going to say. i am not available. thanks again.

          • Venus

            Sad to say, but the term “booty call” really is appropriate when it comes to this, I just would rather not use it because it sounds so ugly, although thats what it is. The ugly truth.

        • Venus

          Sometimes you have to make an ultimatum, for yourself though, not for him, either wake up and realize your worth and find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to, , or be trapped in this type of painful relationship.

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandCoBlog.com Venus

      This really hit close to home, what’s crazy is, you always tell yourself you wont allow yourself to become THAT woman, but for some reason, there is always one guy that may have you accepting the terms and conditions to this painful type of arrangement. You invest mind,body and heart to him, in exchange for his superficial touch and “I’m just not ready to commit yet” excuses.

    • Venus

      This really hit close to home, what’s crazy is, you always tell yourself you wont allow yourself to become THAT woman, but for some reason, there is always one guy that may have you accepting the terms and conditions to this painful type of arrangement. You invest mind,body and heart to him, in exchange for his superficial touch and “I’m just not ready to commit yet” excuses.

  • thefatandskinny

    I can’t with open relationships. I can’t share and every open relationship I’ve seen has failed miserably.

    • http://www.GirlsBestFriendandCoBlog.com Venus

      That’s usually the outcome of the one I’ve experienced, and the rest that I have witnessed. I agree.

    • Venus

      That’s usually the outcome of the one I’ve experienced, and the rest that I have witnessed. I agree.

  • jk allen

    This is an interesting topic.

    One day, I can see the media trying to sneakingly push this idea into society to further destroy it (society). Before we know it we’ll start seeing reality shows on this very subject, desensitizing the idea, making it common place–just like they did with homosexuality. Now it’s common to find grown men wearing women’s pants (skinny jeans) like it’s the “cool thing”. And then it’s justified by saying “it’s stylish or in style”. WHATEVER. Cats my age and where I’m from don’t shop in the teenage girl section. We know better than that.

    And that’s no hit at homosexuals. That’s not the issue..the issue is the idea of destroying human sentiments by power of selective suggestion and mind control. That’s what we ALL live under.

    I went on a tangent…but you know that’s what I do because I’m passionate about what I believe it. I’m very comfortable in having MY own opinion and not drinking the kool-aide.

    Back on subject. Open relationships, in my eyes, serve ZERO value and are against what I believe in. I believe societies massaged collapsing has led to the turmoil that we now accept as commonplace.

    I don’t look down upon anyone that chooses the “open” lifestyle, but I do look down on it for myself. It just doesn’t align with my values, or the message that I want to send to people that look up to me. Like you said, different strokes for different folks.

    -Jk Allen

  • http://twitter.com/befabYOUlous Rachel Reed

    I’m not into open relationships. What’s mine is mine. But if that is how people roll, then more power to them. I choose to remain single simply because I’ve yet to find that one person that I feel is worthy of me, and worthy of a serious committed relationship.

  • http://twitter.com/befabYOUlous Rachel Reed

    I am not into open relationships. I choose to remain single, simply because I’ve yet to meet a man who is worthy of me. I refuse to compromise my beliefs. Many men believe that open relationships keep the relationship fun and creative. Nope, I ain’t feeling that.

    • Venus

      I respect that, an all or nothing mentality is great when it comes to this topic, but some women, like myself, sometimes end up getting stuck in these situations.

  • Tyomi G

    for centuries, civilizations have practiced polygamy where one man was married to multiple women and even possessed concubines..there has even been a practice of polygamy where women possessed several different husbands. There are beliefs that monogamy is something that is not natural to the human race, and I agree with this belief. When you look at the animal kingdom, there is no one animal linked to another in a monogamous relationship…what makes us so different? Because we are creatures of higher intelligence? When committing to a monogamous relationship, it often feels as if there is effort to remain faithful to the one person when your mind tends to drift off into thoughts of being with someone else. many people believe in monogamy because of religious reasons, and I do believe that It can be accomplished, but I also believe that there is nothing wrong with having an open relationship if there is a level of established trust and open communication. Whatever form of a relationship makes one happy, then that is the one that should be practiced.

    • Venus

      I see your side of this topic, but I also disagree, we are not animals, and there is so much more than “higher intelligence” that seperates us from them. A conscince and reason are two things that seperate us from animals, a third is communication, sophisticated communication. We also have seperated from most barbaric ways, hence why we have rules and regulations, creating a sense of order amongst us. Monogamy keeps order in the dating world, we (for the most part) have drifted so far from being able to accept polygamy, which is why so many crimes of passion are commited as well. Also, why we hardly practice polygamy in our more advanced, succesful of societies anymore. Look at the countries that still practice polygamy, third world countries. Need I say more?